Passage: 1 Corinthians 7:1-16

The Big Idea

God created marriage, and He created sex for marriage. Both are good, and both point to the deepest spiritual reality there is: our union with Christ. Paul corrects the Corinthians’ mistaken idea that avoiding sex in marriage would make them holier, and he gives wise, gracious guidance for married people, single people, and believers married to unbelievers. In every situation, the answer is self-giving love.

An Easy Conversation

Get ready for an easy conversation we’re all super comfortable having. Let’s talk about sex.

(Speaking of uncomfortable, have you ever had a massage therapist who just made you feel weird? They rubbed you the wrong way.)

The Bible has a lot to say about love and marriage:

God created it.
It has a purpose.
At the deepest level, it’s the most intimate glimpse of spiritual things we can get in this world: our union with Christ.

Good, Not Bad (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Now about the things they wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.

The Corinthians probably reasoned that if sexual immorality was so dangerous, they could be extra pure by avoiding sex altogether, even in marriage. Paul has to correct that.

That’s like saying, “People drown, so let’s get rid of all the water on earth.”
“Fire burns people, so let’s shut down every power plant.”
“Ice cream gives me brain freeze, so no one gets ice cream!” No fun, people.

There’s a reason for sex, and it’s good. It’s important. But it will burn you if you handle it outside God’s safe design.

How Marriage Works

To understand how our sexual relationships work, we need to back up and see how marriage works in the first place.

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be harsh with them (Colossians 3:18-19).

Wives: honor your husband because God loves him and has a plan for this act of love, not because he’s earned it.
Husbands: love your wife because God loves her and has placed this heart of love for her in you, not because she’s earned it.

When a marriage looks like this, hearts easily trust each other and pour out love on each other. When we focus on ourselves, we tear the fabric of the union.

Others-focused is love. Self-focused is lust.
Giving is love. Taking for selfish reasons is lust.

Why does all this matter so much? Because your marriage, and every marriage, is a display of the union between Christ and His church (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Your marriage isn’t about you at all.
That’s why God invented marriage in the first place. It was His plan, His idea. We just participate in His invention.

Why do we have to be faithful? Because God is faithful to us, and we’re called to be faithful to Him. We can’t mess around with other gods, just as there’s one husband or wife for you to honor and love.

Giving Yourselves to Each Other (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The husband should give his wife the affection she’s due, and the wife should do the same for her husband. The wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but her husband does. And in the same way, the husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but his wife does.

This isn’t about one controlling the other. It’s mutual, loving trust: offering yourself to your spouse.

And it points to how we offer ourselves to God. Paul says not to let sin reign in our mortal bodies, but to present ourselves to God as people brought from death to life, and our bodies as instruments of righteousness. Sin will not be our master, because we’re not under law but under grace (Romans 6:12-14).

We have a relationship of love with God, based on grace, not the lust of self-focused living.
That’s how we respond to the gospel. We hear of His love, we believe it, and then we offer ourselves to Him in response, just like in a marriage.

Don’t deprive each other, except by mutual agreement for a limited time so you can devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so Satan won’t tempt you because of a lack of self-control.

The principle is important: there’s nothing wrong, and everything right, about sex in marriage. Satan’s strategy with sex is to do everything he can to encourage it outside marriage and to discourage it inside marriage. Either one is a win for him.

Notice it’s Satan who twists sex to hurt. It’s Jesus who blesses it. He’s a big fan of a healthy, love-filled marriage.

Three Situations

Now Paul speaks to some specific situations.

1. Singleness can work too, if you have the gift

Paul says this as a concession, not a command. He wishes everyone could be single like him. But each person has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and widows he says it’s good to remain single as he is. But if they can’t control themselves, they should marry, because it’s better to marry than to burn with desire (1 Corinthians 7:6-9).

The physical desire for sex isn’t wrong in itself.
We all want to be loved.
Some people can live without that desire being met in marriage. That’s a real gift.
But singleness isn’t better than marriage, because marriage can be a picture of Jesus and His people to the world.
Paul treats both marriage and singleness as gifts from God. Many of us fall into the “grass is greener” trap: single people wishing they were married, and married people wishing they were single. Each is a gift.

2. Divorce hurts

To the married, Paul gives a command not from himself, but from the Lord: a wife shouldn’t leave her husband. If she does, she should remain unmarried or be reconciled to him. And a husband shouldn’t divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

Scripture describes two exceptions: unfaithfulness (Matthew 19:9) and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). Abuse and danger are also serious situations where separation for safety is wise; get help and wise counsel.
If you’re not in one of those situations, divorce isn’t the answer.
Why?
God is working in your marriage to show you something.
You can be an example of His enduring love to the world.
You can learn how faithful God is to you and how He answers prayer.
Don’t give up! Surround yourselves with brothers and sisters who will pray with you and help you love more and give more.

3. Missionary marriage

To the rest, Paul speaks without a direct command from the Lord. If a believing husband has an unbelieving wife who’s willing to stay with him, he shouldn’t divorce her. And if a believing wife has an unbelieving husband who’s willing to stay, she shouldn’t divorce him. The believing spouse brings a holy influence into the home, and their children are set apart too. But if the unbeliever insists on leaving, let them go; the believer isn’t bound in that situation, because God has called us to peace. And who knows? Wife, you may save your husband. Husband, you may save your wife (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).

Love is still the answer in this situation.
Even if your marriage isn’t perfect, Jesus is great at redeeming broken things.

Grace Takeaway

Marriage isn’t ultimately about you. It’s God’s living picture of Christ’s faithful, self-giving love for His church. Whether you’re married or single, the call is the same: give yourself in love, the way Jesus gave Himself for you, and trust Him to redeem what’s broken.

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Love and Marriage