Passage: Exodus 20:14; John 4:3-42

The Big Idea

“You shall not commit adultery.” God designed sex as a good gift within marriage, and Jesus showed that adultery begins with lust in the heart, so we’re all guilty. Underneath our sexual sin is a deeper thirst for love, value and connection that nothing in this world satisfies. At the well in Samaria, Jesus met a woman who’d been through five husbands. He didn’t shame her desire; He offered Himself as the living water that finally satisfies. When our hearts are satisfied in Jesus, lust loses its power at the source.

The Command (Exodus 20:14)

“You shall not commit adultery.”

Strictly, adultery is sexual unfaithfulness to a marriage.
Scripture’s teaching extends this to every kind of sexual sin.
Sex is blessed, good and desirable within marriage between a husband and wife (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13:4).
Outside that, it’s wrong. Period.

“That’s too strict!”

A chainsaw is useful when you use it properly. Misuse it, and you get a horror movie. Fire is wonderful in the fireplace and devastating in the living room. Is fire good or bad? It depends where it is.

It Starts in the Heart (Matthew 5:27-28)

Jesus said, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

It’s really the heart that matters.
Not having acted on an opportunity doesn’t make you innocent.
We’re all guilty.
So we should avoid what feeds lust: suggestive songs, sensual shows and movies, pornography and the like. Paul says to flee temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18; 2 Timothy 2:22).
“I just read it for the articles.”
“I just listen for the beat.”
“But it was nominated for best picture.”
And we can love our brothers and sisters by being thoughtful in how we dress and act, so we don’t make it harder for them.

Hebrews says marriage is to be honored by everyone and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4).

God is very serious about right and wrong here.
Disagreeing with Him doesn’t change anything. He’s God; He sets the standard.
That upsets a lot of people. “You’re not the boss of me. It’s my body.”
But God wants what’s best for us, and He knows better than we do what we need. This law helps us see it.

Wonderful and Terrible

This law is both wonderful and terrible.

It exposes one of the most fundamentally broken places in all of us: we’re all relationally broken. We struggle to connect with other people, and we’re even more broken in connecting with God.

Yet God calls us to connect. He designed marriage, and He put deep, powerful desires within us. Is that a cruel trick?

Why is it so hard to satisfy our desire for love and relationship? We know it’s what we need, but every time we put ourselves out there, it seems to blow up in our faces. We hurt someone, or get hurt, or both.

Listen to people talk honestly about their love lives, and you’ll hear it: the man who never settled down and now spends holidays alone, insisting most marriages are miserable anyway. The person who feels invisible and left behind as everyone else seems to find someone. The woman who has had plenty of flings but has quietly lost her appetite for real intimacy. The person with a disability who longs to give and receive love but feels shut out. So many people feel the need, the desire, even a call to wholeness through relationship, yet their stories are full of hurt, pain, false assumptions and settling for less than real love.

Let’s look at a story from Jesus’ life that shows us how deeply God wants to work here.

The Woman at the Well (John 4:3-42)

“Give Me a drink” (John 4:3-9)

Jesus left Judea for Galilee, and He had to go through Samaria. He came to the town of Sychar, near the field Jacob gave to Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. A Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink.”

“I want a relationship with you.”
“I’m inviting you to serve Me, to be where you were meant to be, doing what you were created for.”
“You’re worth My time. I’ve chosen you.”
We might question His choice. Does He know who she is? Her failures? Her brokenness and sin?

His disciples had gone into town to buy food. The woman said, “You’re a Jew and I’m a Samaritan woman. How can You ask me for a drink?” (Jews didn’t associate with Samaritans.)

“There’s no way You’d want anything to do with me. How could You want a relationship with me?”
She was so broken she couldn’t even imagine a pure, honorable relationship. It wasn’t on her radar.
She saw the separation, the obstacles, the outward things. Many Jews looked down on Samaritans because of their history and religion.

But Jesus saw her through love and truth. He saw her heart. He saw past her present to what He was going to do in her.

He genuinely wanted a relationship with her. He had really chosen her. His love for her was real, passionate and pure, and almost too intense to understand, like the sun: you can see it and feel it, but you can’t stare straight at it. Look long enough and you’ll be blind to everything else.

Living water (John 4:10-15)

Jesus answered, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is asking you for a drink, you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” She said, “Sir, You don’t have a bucket, and the well is deep. Where would You get this living water? Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this well?” Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst. The water I give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said, “Sir, give me this water, so I won’t be thirsty or have to keep coming here.”

“Go call your husband” (John 4:16-18)

Jesus said, “Go, call your husband, and come back.“

“I have no husband,” she said.

She tried to hide.
Don’t hide. Believe His love instead.
Her sexual history was the outward expression of a broken heart.

Jesus said, “You’re right when you say you have no husband. You’ve had five husbands, and the man you’re with now isn’t your husband. What you’ve said is true.”

Jesus already knew. He knows about us too.
And He still chose her, loved her and invited her into relationship, in the middle of her current situation.

Spirit and truth (John 4:19-26)

“Sir, I can see You’re a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews say Jerusalem is the place to worship.”

“You know spiritual things. I have spiritual questions, and desires that haven’t been met. I want a spiritual life. Maybe You can help.”

Jesus said, “Believe Me, woman, a time is coming when you’ll worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you don’t know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But a time is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in spirit and truth.“

“Your spiritual life is built on things you don’t really understand. It isn’t how it’s meant to be.”
“But God is at work, making all things new.”
“The Spirit is coming, who will make spiritual life as natural as breathing.”
“I’ll do this for you out of My love. I’ll provide for your spiritual life, your deepest desire. I am all you need.”

The woman said, “I know Messiah is coming. When He comes, He’ll explain everything to us.” Jesus said, “I, the One speaking to you, am He.“

“I am all you need to know. I’ll tell you all things, give you all things and be all things for you.”
And if you have all things in Him, you won’t need other things.

How did Jesus deal with her sin?

Let’s reset the story. Here’s a woman whose life was full of sexual brokenness, searching for someone who would meet her deepest needs, love her and satisfy her strongest desires. Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Jesus calls her into relationship, shows He knows her history, and reveals who He is and what He’s come to do: restore spiritual life to people.

But wait. What about the sin itself, the thing that made her “unacceptable”? What was Jesus’ strategy?

Rehab?
A twelve-step program?
Go to synagogue more?
Read the scrolls more?
Change your appearance?
Do more religious things?

Jesus’ only strategy for an adulterous heart was Himself.

“Whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst.”

Why does Jesus make it so personal? Because He personally loves us and wants to supply all we need through His grace. He never wants us to feel we have to accomplish something outside of Him. Religion asks, “What do I do?” Grace asks, “What has He done?”

How could Jesus be confident her heart could change, that her thirst for relationship and value could be quenched?

He never told her that her desire for love and value was wrong. He claimed to be able to satisfy it. He is the answer.

Where Our Hearts Wander

Some women, feeling bored or unseen in their marriage, are drawn to a man who pays attention and offers mystery and excitement. Things withheld from a husband are given to another, hoping to feel valued again. The enemy whispers, “This is what you really need.” But it never satisfies. It leads to shame, the deepest loss of value.
Some men, feeling bored, turn to pornography or affairs. Their wife may have done nothing wrong. The enemy simply reminds them how exciting the forbidden is, and convinces them this image or this person will satisfy the hunger inside. But it never satisfies. It leads to shame.
Others pursue same-sex relationships, or go in other directions entirely.

Yet Jesus claims that every one of us can only be satisfied in Him. We’re all in the same boat.

Sam Allberry, a pastor who has written openly about experiencing same-sex attraction, has helped many people see that our deepest identity and satisfaction are found in Christ, not in our desires.

The solution isn’t to pretend our desires don’t exist, or to simply clamp down on them. It’s to have our hearts satisfied by Jesus first.

Humility: be honest with Jesus about your heart and failures.
Faith: trust His promises, His Word and His love. Come to Him to satisfy your deep desire for relationship and value.

Food You Don’t Know About (John 4:27-34)

Just then His disciples returned and were surprised He was talking with a woman, but no one asked what He wanted or why. The woman left her water jar, went back to town and told people, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Messiah?” They came out to Him. Meanwhile, the disciples urged Him, “Rabbi, eat something.” But He said, “I have food to eat that you don’t know about. … My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to finish His work.“

Jesus was so satisfied in His relationship with the Father that He wasn’t even hungry.
That’s why His heart never craved adultery, just as His body in that moment didn’t crave food.
The desire was satisfied at the source.
Jesus humbly served His Father, and in that relationship He was satisfied.

Jesus said all things had been given to Him by His Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal Him (Matthew 11:27).

Jesus has everything, received from the Father. There’s no other source.
And He says we can come to that same Father through Him and receive what we need.
When we’re bored, empty, dry, unfulfilled or lonely, it isn’t God’s fault. He’s offered everything. He stands with open arms.
We just refuse to go to Him. We look for love in all the wrong places. We fight for a better life, work for more, search, and never find it. We think it’s the next relationship, “the one.”
And God waits, patiently. He is love.

A Witness to the Town (John 4:39-42)

Many Samaritans from that town believed in Jesus because of the woman’s testimony: “He told me everything I ever did.” They urged Him to stay, and He stayed two days, and many more believed because of His own words. They told the woman, “Now we believe, not just because of what you said, but because we’ve heard Him ourselves, and we know this really is the Savior of the world.“

When we’re satisfied in Jesus alone, we become powerful witnesses to the people in our lives.
They see the radical change in us, and the difference from what they’re chasing.
And as they seek Jesus, they’ll be satisfied too.

We become salt and light when we’re satisfied in Jesus. Our victory over lust is secured when we’re satisfied in Jesus.

Grace Takeaway

God’s command is clear, and Jesus’ standard reaches all the way into our thoughts. We’re all guilty. But underneath our sexual sin is a thirst no relationship, image or experience can quench. Jesus didn’t shame the woman at the well for being thirsty; He offered Himself. He offers the same to you: “Whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst again.” Come to Him honestly, drink deeply, and let Him satisfy you at the source.

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The Seventh Command: Don’t Commit Adultery