Passage: Exodus 23:4-5

The Big Idea

God’s law told Israel to return an enemy’s runaway ox and help an enemy’s overloaded donkey. Loving enemies is a command, and the world thinks it’s naive. But it’s the way of Jesus, who prayed for those crucifying Him. Real enemy-love always starts with forgiveness, and it can only flow from God’s own agape love, which we receive as children who draw near to our Father. The best way to defeat an enemy is to win him as a friend.

Lincoln and Stanton

When Abraham Lincoln ran for president, one of his harshest critics was Edwin Stanton. Stanton mocked Lincoln publicly, even ridiculing his appearance.

After Lincoln was elected, he had to choose his cabinet. When it came time to appoint a Secretary of War, he chose… Stanton. His advisers were stunned: “Mr. President, do you know what this man has said about you? He’ll sabotage you!” Lincoln reportedly answered that yes, he knew Stanton and everything he’d said, but after looking over the nation, he believed Stanton was the best man for the job.

So Stanton served his country and his President. Years later, when Lincoln was assassinated, Stanton stood by the body of the man he had once despised and said, “Now he belongs to the ages.”

Martin Luther King Jr. told this story in a sermon on loving our enemies, pointing out that if Lincoln had hated Stanton, both would have gone to their graves as bitter enemies, but Lincoln’s love turned an enemy into a friend. Lincoln is often quoted as asking, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

The Command (Exodus 23:4-5)

“If you come across your enemy’s ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him. If you see the donkey of someone who hates you collapsed under its load, don’t leave it there; be sure to help him with it.”

God says His children have a moral obligation to love their enemies: care for them, serve them and act for their good.

It’s a law, a command. And it sounds crazy.

Jesus said, “You’ve heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat and persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:43-45).

The World Thinks It’s Weakness

This makes no sense to the natural mind.

Thinkers like Nietzsche argued that Jesus’ command to love enemies proved Christianity was a religion for the weak and cowardly, not the strong. Jesus, they said, was an impractical idealist.

Our world genuinely believes loving enemies is naive. If you’re right and they’re wrong, you have to “fight the good fight.” But the only weapons the world has are the ones the flesh supplies.

Do you think this way?

“I’m right and they’re wrong, so I get to yell at them, put them down, gossip about them, call them names, tell jokes about them.”
“I need to make them feel how wrong they are by being harsh.”
“They need my coldness if they’re ever going to change.”
“If I’m not a jerk to them, who will be? Somebody has to.”

That’s the heart born of the flesh: trying to accomplish “good” by human means. It never includes real agape love, because that kind of love is only available to children of God, born of the Spirit and sustained by a life of dependence on God.

Jesus Loved His Enemies

Jesus had real agape love. He was astonishingly good at loving.

He loved His enemies so much that He forgave them while they tortured and killed Him, mocked Him and hurt Him. With His remaining strength He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

He looked past their sinful, hurtful actions and saw them as God saw them: made in God’s image, loved in God’s eyes.

And Stephen, the first Christian martyr, as he was being stoned, cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60).

It Starts with Forgiveness

That’s how we love our enemies. It always starts with forgiveness.

Forgive over and over (Matthew 18:21-22).
Even when the wrong was intentional.
Only the person who was wronged can forgive. Don’t wait for the other person to make the first move.
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it didn’t happen. It’s refusing to let what they did destroy the relationship, treating them as God treats us.
To forgive, we have to believe the person is more than the worst thing they did to us. Their value is defined by God’s love, not their actions. They’re made in His image, He loves them, and so must we.
It takes humility: remembering that we’re capable of the same thing, and guilty of plenty ourselves.
Dr. King put it this way in essence: we recognize that our enemy’s hatred grows out of fear, pride, ignorance and misunderstanding, yet God’s image is still stamped on him, and he isn’t beyond the reach of God’s redeeming love.
We forgive to win them, like Lincoln did. The best way to defeat an enemy is to win him as a friend.

(Forgiveness doesn’t require us to stay in danger. Where someone has been abusive or violent, we can forgive while keeping safe boundaries and involving the proper authorities.)

Are we really commanded to love our enemies like this? Yes. That’s the expectation for every child of God.

So why don’t we see it more? Why do we see so much anger and fleshly reaction, even in the church, when we feel wronged or mistreated?

Sons of Your Father

“…so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.”

That’s the key.

That’s the relationship that makes this kind of radical, forgiving love possible.
Relating to God as a child, not an employee.

When we come to God as His children, hoping in Him, abiding with Him, reading His Word expectantly, praying confidently, depending on Him and clinging to Him, we’re filled with His life and His love, by His grace. It’s a gift with our name on it.

As we cling to Him, we realize He’s doing the work. We get to rest with Him. He holds on to us as we look to Him.

It’s amazing how fast our flesh can twist a simple word like “abide” into a work: “What do I have to do?”
It’s not what you do; it’s how you do it.
In humility before your Father, and faith in Him? Or in self-confidence and pride?

As we come to our Father in humility and faith, we’re filled with His agape love.

Three Kinds of Love

The Greek language helps us understand love.

Eros: romantic or aesthetic love; yearning and desire.

It’s drawn by what appeals to it.
It won’t change people.
When someone loves you only with eros, it can feel needy, and deep down you know you’ll eventually disappoint them.
If someone cares about you only because you’re attractive, it’s shallow. They’ll leave when you don’t look as good or act as pleasing.

Philia: the affection between friends. Mutual, returned.

This is the love for those who love you.
They’re kind to you, committed to you, serve you, so you naturally return it.

Agape: the overflow of God’s own heart toward all people.

God created every person and has invested in each one more than we can know.
He understands us. He knows we’re weak, wounded and deceived, and His heart is merciful.
He has done all the work needed for anyone to be forgiven and restored to Him.
It has nothing to do with how people look, behave or perform. It isn’t about liking them.
It expects nothing in return. It’s completely free.
Agape loves people because God loves them.

Do we have that love? We can, through the abiding life: drawing near to God as His children so we can truly be His children. Not imitating what we think He wants, but receiving a real work of grace that makes us loving children who represent our Father in this broken world.

Your Enemies

You have enemies. Sometimes it may even feel like you’re married to one! Some are bosses, some are authorities, some are exes, some are just difficult people, some are wrapped up in their own lives. Some have deeply hurt you. Some are imaginary. And some of us have been hurt so much that we hesitate to open up to anyone, afraid they’ll become enemies too.

Think of them. These are opportunities to live this out. They aren’t mistakes in your life. God has placed you strategically in theirs.

“But I have a lot of enemies.”

Then you can be filled with a lot of love.

Dr. King, facing violent opposition, famously told his opponents that they could do what they would, but his movement would keep loving them, would wear them down by its capacity to suffer, and would one day win not only freedom but the hearts of its enemies, a double victory.

Draw Near

Draw near to your Father to receive this heart of love.

Charles Spurgeon said, “Prayer is the forerunner of mercy.”

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

Grace Takeaway

God’s law told Israel to rescue an enemy’s donkey, and Jesus took it all the way to the cross, forgiving those who killed Him. We can’t produce that love on our own. But as children who come boldly to our Father, we receive His agape love, freely, and it flows out to the people who’ve hurt us. Start with forgiveness. Ask for His love. And you may find, like Lincoln, that the best way to defeat an enemy is to make him a friend.

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How to Win Your Enemies